I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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