When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
