I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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