your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
