I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I think people are normalizing furries
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
