The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She told me I should be a condom model.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
