Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now

(810): View more from Michigan

I'm so hungover and dru,k

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(917): View more from New York City

I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike

(1-917): View more from New York City

this is mike. we're done.

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(937): View more from Ohio

We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.

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(416): View more from Ontario

I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...

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(616): View more from Michigan

I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.

(616): View more from Michigan

The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...

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(313): View more from Michigan

We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either

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(207): View more from Maine

So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.

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