just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
