Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
