I skipped work to stalk him.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
