I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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