I showed him my bush... on skype.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
