Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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