in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
