A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
