she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
