So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
