I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
