he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Just puked most of my soul out..
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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