i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
