is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
