when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
