You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
