wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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