guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
