Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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