My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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