I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
