I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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