But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
