I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Randomize
