his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
