Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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