I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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