There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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