i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
