he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
that is very illegal...i love you.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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