this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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