do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
