Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
