I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
