when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Found your dick twin last night
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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