Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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