im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
