i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
