i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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