I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
