I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
