i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
