i was rollin on her like bob the builder
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
